So, the team arrives at the arena in Boston–and it’s a sleek black pyramid. Not exactly suited to being used as a sporting venue. Real gymnastics events (the big ones) are held in sports arena, you know with tiers of seats and a mezzanine overhead and sometime a jumbotron.
Coach Sasha Belov gives his girls a pep talk before they walk in. Apparently, within the black pyramid is the mysterious and magical world of Nationals, where strange things happen. Flash bulbs go off, reporters call your name, and your competitors wear piggy-style buns on either side of their head. Strange and unreal. Gymnasts wished anyone gave a flying you-know-what about them. There is press and (videos) cameras at nationals, but there is sure as heck no red carpet. For the record, no one cares what’s in the girls’ gym bags. Can you say invasion of privacy?
Poor Mary Sue/Emily is being sad and lonely because her brother isn’t there and she feels out of place. Woe is her. Oh and the, “Miss do you belong here?” and “I guess we’re about to find out.” exchange is the cheesiest line in a long episode of cheesy lines.
Now Kelly Parker shows up. She mentions ESPYs, but ESPYs again don’t give a crap about gymnastics until the Olympic year.
So, Damon shows up at Emily’s house to take Emily’s brother to Nationals . . . in RADIOHEAD’S BUS! Random, but awesome. I mean, Radiohead must have one hell of a bus to get from Colorado to Boston in a few hours.
Poor Payson (the only one who is worth caring about) is feeling upset about taking Cortisone without anyone knowing, despite the fact that it’s not illegal and is not a performance-enhancing drug. Yet she still feels “icky” about it, because somehow–not sure how–she’s injecting it into her own back. Erm, what?
Creepy Carter makes his entrance. If I were Kaylie, that boy would have been completely gone the moment I heard about him sleeping with my friend. That boy would never say another word to me, so help me God. Her little speech nicely builds her up as the little heroine of the episode. Hm, I wonder who will win when Payson splats on her face (because it’s so obvious that the splat in previews was Payson)?
Now, let nationals begin. The clubs walk in one by one. They are announced by club, which is bizarre since gymnastics at this level is completely individual. Don’t get me wrong, there are lots of well-known gyms (WOGA, Hill’s, GAGE), but it’s got nothing to do with how the athletes are presented. Not only that, but the girls march down a set of stairs into a half-lit arena. Not only is gymnastics not a pageant, it’s a huge hazard to compete in a half-lit arena! It looks a little retarded. They have ESPN providing the coverage, which isn’t so bad, but at least the movie Stick It got the NBC people (and Bart Conner) to give it a flavor of reality.
Payson looks awesome in her little ballerina bun and heavy eye makeup. Emily’s hair is pulled back in something approaching a passable hairstyle. Kaylie is still the only one who actually looks like she might be a gymnast (in fact, she looks like Jade Barbosa from Brazil). Lauren’s hair, while it’s prom-chich, is totally impractical.
Coach Belov gives yet another pep talk. It’s the third one he’s given. I feel sorry for the girls in the second row, who apparently Sasha couldn’t care less about.
Let’s get this party started. Not only is it “hard to believe” Emily was training at the YWCA a year ago, it’s totally impossible and unrealistic. Also, BWAHAHAHA at the idea that judges are scoring based on personality. That went out the door thirty seven years ago, kids. Have we never heard of Olga Korbut? Nadia Comaneci? We all joke about Gina Gogean–if she can win, then there’s definitely no requirement for personality! I repeat myself, this is not a beauty pageant. Payson apparently kicks butt on bars. I wish they could get some elite stunt doubles to give some decent routines to these girls who are supposed to be gunning for the Olympics. Their routines are not even level 10 as far as I can tell. I’m sure the stunt doubles worked hard, but it’s just not a realistic vision of elite gymnastics. What’s with all the gainered dismounts off the side of the beam? Sure Courtney Kupets did it (and it was awesome because it was Courtney Kupets), but it’s not at all common in elite.
Kelly Parker is a bitch. Compare to reality. These girls are teenaged girls, can be catty, and are rivals in the arena, but they also get to know each other. Especially in recent years, with the growth of the national team system, these girls see each other often and become friends. At the real 2009 Nationals a week ago, the girls cheered each other on, helped each other, and actually smiled. Becca Bross is an intense competitor, but Nastia didn’t even have on her patented post-Soviet bitch face. It’s been since the early 90’s that the girls were pitted against each other. Even then, it was one of those seething, under-the-surface things. Gymnasts are painfully, scrupulously polite (generally speaking).
After the first day of nationals, Mary Sue/Emily is moping around again about being afraid. Boo hoo, girl. Get a grip.
The best part of the show: our favorite four wannabe gymnasts grabbing Kelly Parker’s bag. Sasha heard them. Emily says that the bag has “Kelly Parker’ss head” in it and he goes, “Carry on.” I bust out laughing, but actually in a good way this time.
Kaylie goes to the agent MJ. Trust me, there’s no money for gymnasts unless your name happens to be Mary Lou Retton, Nastia Liukin, or Shawn Johnson. Those three, and only those three, have ever made any actual money off of gymnastics. The decision to go pro is a big one for gymnasts, who must choose between the slim possibility of making some money from gymnastics and the possibility of getting a scholarship and being able to compete in NCAA. It’s a tough decision for young girls to make: they may not even know if they want to compete NCAA.
As day 2 begins, Sasha give another pep talk. Apparently, the judges need a “reason to love [Lauren]” in order to put her on the podium. Puh-lease. The judges are not personally involved. Also, why are the girls all wearing different leotards? They have the same colors but different designs. Weird.
Now Creepy Carter is back yet again. I was over him ages ago. At least she shuts him down totally. Thank God. Maybe next season (yes, alas, there is another season) he won’t be around.
Kaylie then does an incredible vault–I don’t know my vaults, but I know that wasn’t an incredible vault. What was it, a laidout Tsukahara? And she gets a 16.2? Vault does not score that high. Even the incredibly difficult 2.5 Yurchenko scores more like mid to high 15’s, at least in the previous quadrennium under previous code of points. And then Lauren does a tucked full-twisting Tsuk. Woo-flipping-hoo. I’m totally underwhelmed. And then, be still my heart, Payson does a TUCKED YURCHENKO. Is this girl trying to be elite national champion, or level 5 national champion? Seriously, that’s really pathetic. It won’t be winning any national titles. Oh, and can someone teach these actresses how to salute properly? You down fling your arms up like a windmill!
Now Payson decides not to inject herself with Cortisone (the mechanics of how she injects drugs into her own back is unexplained). Cortisone is treated like dope or something. She throws out her needle and goes out to do bars. And she loses her grip on the high bar as she transitions from the low bar! She goes down hard on her neck. It’s reminiscent of the fall Kerri Strug had in 1994, except Kerri was transitioning from high to low bar. Poor Payson. She was the only one worth following, the only one with a halfway realistic storyline. Now she’s carried off of the floor in a neck brace (giving Sasha another chance for a pep talk). As it turns out, Payson did some damage to her back and her gymnastics career is over. Bummer. I’m hoping she can miraculously recover for next season, or that her little sister( probably the only person in the entire show who ACTUALLY resembles a gymnast; she looks just like Daria Joura) will become a prodigy.
Now, Kaylie is “within striking distance” of the national title. With Payson down, Kaylie shines. Her silly little floor routine apparently seals it. First, though, Emily does her idiotic routine to rock music, which has lyrics which is obviously NOT allowed. She looks spastic. It’s nothing anyone over 10 could appreciate. (Vocals are actually allowed, but they have to be background and used like an instrument; see Vanessa Ferrari’s music.) Oh, and since we’re at it–Nationals are a podium meet! This means the apparatus are lifted a few feet from the arena floor. The girls can’t stand two feet away and taunt their competition. And there is also a scoreboard in the arena, so Emily wouldn’t have to wait with bated breath to see if she made it onto the national team.
I suppose it would be too much to go into the real system. There are qualifying meets for nationals. Some girls, such as the Olympians from last year, don’t have to qualify again to nationals, but lots of girls go to the Classics meets to qualify to nationals. Then, the top girls are put on the national team. The national team meets at the Karolyis’ ranch once a month, which gives Marta a chance to train and evaluate the girls, who are chosen for international meets based on their performance. Now, I know reality is complicated, but let’s at least give it a try, shall we? Stick It, though not exactly a masterpiece, at least did a decent job of representing something like reality (except for the gymnasts’ rebellion). This show has nothing to do with the real world, which is pretty sad.
