The Epic Fail Finale

So, the team arrives at the arena in Boston–and it’s a sleek black pyramid. Not exactly suited to being used as a sporting venue. Real gymnastics events (the big ones) are held in sports arena, you know with tiers of seats and a mezzanine overhead and sometime a jumbotron.

Coach Sasha Belov gives his girls a pep talk before they walk in. Apparently, within the black pyramid is the mysterious and magical world of Nationals, where strange things happen. Flash bulbs go off, reporters call your name, and your competitors wear piggy-style buns on either side of their head. Strange and unreal. Gymnasts wished anyone gave a flying you-know-what about them. There is press and (videos) cameras at nationals, but there is sure as heck no red carpet. For the record, no one cares what’s in the girls’ gym bags. Can you say invasion of privacy?

Poor Mary Sue/Emily is being sad and lonely because her brother isn’t there and she feels out of place. Woe is her. Oh and the, “Miss do you belong here?” and “I guess we’re about to find out.” exchange is the cheesiest line in a long episode of cheesy lines.

Now Kelly Parker shows up. She mentions ESPYs, but ESPYs again don’t give a crap about gymnastics until the Olympic year.

So, Damon shows up at Emily’s house to take Emily’s brother to Nationals . . . in RADIOHEAD’S BUS! Random, but awesome. I mean, Radiohead must have one hell of a bus to get from Colorado to Boston in a few hours.

Poor Payson (the only one who is worth caring about) is feeling upset about taking Cortisone without anyone knowing, despite the fact that it’s not illegal and is not a performance-enhancing drug. Yet she still feels “icky” about it, because somehow–not sure how–she’s injecting it into her own back. Erm, what?

Creepy Carter makes his entrance. If I were Kaylie, that boy would have been completely gone the moment I heard about him sleeping with my friend. That boy would never say another word to me, so help me God. Her little speech nicely builds her up as the little heroine of the episode. Hm, I wonder who will win when Payson splats on her face (because it’s so obvious that the splat in previews was Payson)?

Now, let nationals begin. The clubs walk in one by one. They are announced by club, which is bizarre since gymnastics at this level is completely individual. Don’t get me wrong, there are lots of well-known gyms (WOGA, Hill’s, GAGE), but it’s got nothing to do with how the athletes are presented. Not only that, but the girls march down a set of stairs into a half-lit arena. Not only is gymnastics not a pageant, it’s a huge hazard to compete in a half-lit arena! It looks a little retarded. They have ESPN providing the coverage, which isn’t so bad, but at least the movie Stick It got the NBC people (and Bart Conner) to give it a flavor of reality.

Payson looks awesome in her little ballerina bun and heavy eye makeup. Emily’s hair is pulled back in something approaching a passable hairstyle. Kaylie is still the only one who actually looks like she might be a gymnast (in fact, she looks like Jade Barbosa from Brazil). Lauren’s hair, while it’s prom-chich, is totally impractical.

Coach Belov gives yet another pep talk. It’s the third one he’s given. I feel sorry for the girls in the second row, who apparently Sasha couldn’t care less about.

Let’s get this party started. Not only is it “hard to believe” Emily was training at the YWCA a year ago, it’s totally impossible and unrealistic. Also, BWAHAHAHA at the idea that judges are scoring based on personality. That went out the door thirty seven years ago, kids. Have we never heard of Olga Korbut? Nadia Comaneci? We all joke about Gina Gogean–if she can win, then there’s definitely no requirement for personality! I repeat myself, this is not a beauty pageant. Payson apparently kicks butt on bars. I wish they could get some elite stunt doubles to give some decent routines to these girls who are supposed to be gunning for the Olympics. Their routines are not even level 10 as far as I can tell. I’m sure the stunt doubles worked hard, but it’s just not a realistic vision of elite gymnastics. What’s with all the gainered dismounts off the side of the beam? Sure Courtney Kupets did it (and it was awesome because it was Courtney Kupets), but it’s not at all common in elite.

Kelly Parker is a bitch. Compare to reality. These girls are teenaged girls, can be catty, and are rivals in the arena, but they also get to know each other. Especially in recent years, with the growth of the national team system, these girls see each other often and become friends. At the real 2009 Nationals a week ago, the girls cheered each other on, helped each other, and actually smiled. Becca Bross is an intense competitor, but Nastia didn’t even have on her patented post-Soviet bitch face. It’s been since the early 90’s that the girls were pitted against each other. Even then, it was one of those seething, under-the-surface things. Gymnasts are painfully, scrupulously polite (generally speaking).

After the first day of nationals, Mary Sue/Emily is moping around again about being afraid. Boo hoo, girl. Get a grip.

The best part of the show: our favorite four wannabe gymnasts grabbing Kelly Parker’s bag. Sasha heard them. Emily says that the bag has “Kelly Parker’ss head” in it and he goes, “Carry on.” I bust out laughing, but actually in a good way this time.

Kaylie goes to the agent MJ. Trust me, there’s no money for gymnasts unless your name happens to be Mary Lou Retton, Nastia Liukin, or Shawn Johnson. Those three, and only those three, have ever made any actual money off of gymnastics. The decision to go pro is a big one for gymnasts, who must choose between the slim possibility of making some money from gymnastics and the possibility of getting a scholarship and being able to compete in NCAA. It’s a tough decision for young girls to make: they may not even know if they want to compete NCAA.

As day 2 begins, Sasha give another pep talk. Apparently, the judges need a “reason to love [Lauren]” in order to put her on the podium. Puh-lease. The judges are not personally involved. Also, why are the girls all wearing different leotards? They have the same colors but different designs. Weird.

Now Creepy Carter is back yet again. I was over him ages ago. At least she shuts him down totally. Thank God. Maybe next season (yes, alas, there is another season) he won’t be around.

Kaylie then does an incredible vault–I don’t know my vaults, but I know that wasn’t an incredible vault. What was it, a laidout Tsukahara? And she gets a 16.2? Vault does not score that high. Even the incredibly difficult 2.5 Yurchenko scores more like mid to high 15’s, at least in the previous quadrennium under previous code of points. And then Lauren does a tucked full-twisting Tsuk. Woo-flipping-hoo. I’m totally underwhelmed. And then, be still my heart, Payson does a TUCKED YURCHENKO. Is this girl trying to be elite national champion, or level 5 national champion? Seriously, that’s really pathetic. It won’t be winning any national titles. Oh, and can someone teach these actresses how to salute properly? You down fling your arms up like a windmill!

Now Payson decides not to inject herself with Cortisone (the mechanics of how she injects drugs into her own back is unexplained). Cortisone is treated like dope or something. She throws out her needle and goes out to do bars. And she loses her grip on the high bar as she transitions from the low bar! She goes down hard on her neck. It’s reminiscent of the fall Kerri Strug had in 1994, except Kerri was transitioning from high to low bar. Poor Payson. She was the only one worth following, the only one with a halfway realistic storyline. Now she’s carried off of the floor in a neck brace (giving Sasha another chance for a pep talk). As it turns out, Payson did some damage to her back and her gymnastics career is over. Bummer. I’m hoping she can miraculously recover for next season, or that her little sister( probably the only person in the entire show who ACTUALLY resembles a gymnast; she looks just like Daria Joura) will become a prodigy.

Now, Kaylie is “within striking distance” of the national title. With Payson down, Kaylie shines. Her silly little floor routine apparently seals it. First, though, Emily does her idiotic routine to rock music, which has lyrics which is obviously NOT allowed. She looks spastic. It’s nothing anyone over 10 could appreciate. (Vocals are actually allowed, but they have to be background and used like an instrument; see Vanessa Ferrari’s music.) Oh, and since we’re at it–Nationals are a podium meet! This means the apparatus are lifted a few feet from the arena floor. The girls can’t stand two feet away and taunt their competition. And there is also a scoreboard in the arena, so Emily wouldn’t have to wait with bated breath to see if she made it onto the national team.

I suppose it would be too much to go into the real system. There are qualifying meets for nationals. Some girls, such as the Olympians from last year, don’t have to qualify again to nationals, but lots of girls go to the Classics meets to qualify to nationals. Then, the top girls are put on the national team. The national team meets at the Karolyis’ ranch once a month, which gives Marta a chance to train and evaluate the girls, who are chosen for international meets based on their performance. Now, I know reality is complicated, but let’s at least give it a try, shall we? Stick It, though not exactly a masterpiece, at least did a decent job of representing something like reality (except for the gymnasts’ rebellion). This show has nothing to do with the real world, which is pretty sad.

 

Visa Vagary

I am just about as peeved as a person can be without actually punching someone in the proboscis (ooh, alliteration!).

Why? The U.K. visa process.

Look, I’m a relatively intelligent person. I’d say (humbly, of course) that I’m even considerably smarter than the average person. I have a bachelor’s degree and am about to start in on a master’s degree (for which I am going abroad and need a visa). I’ve even applied for a visa to the UK before. I’m usually pretty good at figuring out the fine print and bureaucratic imbecility that goes on with this kind of stuff.

And even I was totally flummoxed by the damned visa application process.

Before embarking on the actual online application, I had done a pretty thorough scouring of the website. I knew I needed to provide proof that I had enough money to cover my tuition fees and the cost of living for nine months. I knew that this could take the form of bank statements and/or bank pass books, both of which I used. I also knew I needed my official immigration letter from Kingston University as well as the official letter of financial aid (to help prove I had the necessary funds). I even knew I would have to go get fingerprinted somewhere.

Of course, I didn’t know where I would have to go, because NO WHERE on the site does it list the places where you have to physically go to get fingerprinted/photographed. I knew there were like three per state and that this probably meant I would have to go to Baltimore.

So with all this knowledge and a few questions still not entirely answered, I opened up the online form and to start filling it out. This went fairly smoothly. On one page however, if capital letters (not bolded) they mention some form that I hadn’t heard of anywhere else. In all the places where it asks what documentation is needed, it never mentioned any “self-assessment form”, which this one notice on this one page told me. I very easily could have overlooked that notice, since it wasn’t in bold or in color and since it was directly above the “next” button. I could have filled out that page, glanced at the words, overlooked their import, and clicked next. Then, I would have been screwed.

Also, I finally found out where the centers were to get my fingerprints taken. I was correct: Baltimore was the closest spot.

I believe there was yet another form that was suddenly sprung on me in the fine print and that might have been easily missed. Because as it happens, I needed a passport photo, too, which is not mentioned anywhere except there’s a blank rectangle that says, “attach passport photo here”.

So, I did that, grumbling about all these little things and random forms that are thrown at us like turns in a maze. Click on this form–don’t forget that form ["But I've never heard of that form before! What the heck is it?"]–attach this–include that! Drive an hour and fifteen minutes to Baltimore, get fingerprinted, drive all the way back! Don’t be nervous about putting your original passport, bank statements, and bank pass book in the mail! It’ll be okay! These precious documents aren’t that important to you!

Anyway, I triple-checked everything: all the fine print and every page of stuff I was sending in. I made sure I had all the letters and statements and passbooks and photos. I sealed it up and sent it out.

A few days later, I received an email confirming the receipt of my package. Good! They got it, so it is all safe until the return journey, which should be safe considering that I had to pay $12 for them to ship it back to me (on top of the $250 fee for applying!).

Then, on Wednesday, I got home from work in the late afternoon/early evening to find I had an email fro m the UK border people in NYC, which is where all my goodies were mailed to.

At 5:00 p.m. they sent a notice saying that I had failed to include an original college transcript and that I had four days from the day of notification (ie, that day even though it was sent at 5 pm) to get them that transcript.

I flipped a lid and shitted a brick. I was pissed the eff off, let me tell you. I had been as thorough as I could possibly be. Firstly, their website sucks. Information is thrown all over the place, it’s very disorganized, and it’s worse than a maze to navigate. Things are contradictory and unclear. I did my damndest. Second: NOWHERE did I ever see the first word mentioning that I needed to send them a transcript, too, because I would have done that. Third, how DARE they demand a transcript in four business days, not notifying me until after the end of one of those business days? I had three days to get it to them, basically requiring me to spend a lot of money to overnight them a transcript! Fourth, I was extraordinaly peeved by their attitude that they were doing me a big favor by suddenly demanding this document and giving me only three days to get it to them.

Lastly, this meant that I had to drive all the way down the College Park. I couldn’t get the transcript in time otherwise. It took an hour and a half to drive down there. It took ten minutes to walk to the Mitchell Building, ask for the transcript, have it put in my hand, and walk back to my car. Then it took another hour and half to drive home, where I spent $13 to overnight it to NYC. I was and still am pissed as hell. I am in very desperate financial straits at the moment, I could have bought food with that money, but I’m just going to have to pick at what food is around the house. Thanks a lot, mo-fos.

So, the transcript is off and God only knows if that’s it. I would assume that’s the only thing that’s missing or they wouldn’t have bothered to send me an email telling me to send them that one document. On the other hand, I would not put it past them to reject my application anyway because something else is missing. And you know what would happen then? I would have to pay $250 to reapply!

And then, just the other day I got an email from Kingston saying 20% of US applicants for a UK visa were being rejected. Well, no shit. It’s because the process is out of control and utterly a mess. It’s intensely horrible. It has no design, clearly, or if it does it was designed to make sure people were rejected. It’s ludicrous and unacceptable. Frankly, I’m shocked and upset and outraged at the system. It is beyond words how bad it is, really and utterly beyond words. I’m clearly infuriated by the stupidity, inefficiency, and exploitation of this process. It’s worse than a joke, it’s practically a racket.

Oh, and it still boggled my mind that I have to have in one place at one time enough money to last me an entire year! That requirement for the visa seems a little unfair to me. And I didn’t like having to be fingerprinted, either.

Look, I applied for a visa before. It was a different system and admittedly I did it through the University of Maryland’s study abroad office, but honestly it was about a thousand times easier than the debacle that this application turned out to be. The new system probably still has kinks in it or whatever that need to be worked out, but in the meantime, lots of people are being put through this ungodly process and many are being rejected because it’s so abysmally messed up.

 

Half-Blood Prince

By the by, there SHOULD be a dash between “half” and “blood”, no matter how difficult it is to press that little dash button instead of the space bar.

Last night I went to see Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince after work. I got my ticket the night before because I knew it was going to sell out quickly. I definitely did not want to go to a midnight showing because I knew I would be too tired to really pay attention to the movie. So I went at 6:00 last night and was fully awake.

I enjoyed myself thoroughly. I think that the directing, screenwriting, and acting were all much more sure-footed than they were in previous films. The story was altered from the books, but a different medium calls for a different approach. The story had to be streamlined, and I think in this instance it was made into a cohesive story more effectively than the previous movies. There was rising action and a climax, and it was built up fairly well. I must admit some of the teenage antics got in the way a little bit, but honestly they were hilarious and handled well, so I won’t complain.

I was disappointed that one of my favorite scenes was removed–Dumbledore meeting with the Dursleys. Nothing in particular happens in that scene, so I know why it was cut, but I just adore the interaction between Dumbledore and the Dursleys, who he absolutely dominates. I think it would have been more effective than the scene in the Underground, which I thought was a little strange, to be honest.

I didn’t reread the book before going to the movie, which is probably the best way to do it. If you’ve just read the book, you’ll just sit there and take a mental inventory of what was and wasn’t included. As it was, I only noticed a few things while watching the movie (and many more later) that were changed. Obviously, the attack on the Burrow was an obvious addition, and the battle at the end was an obvious omission. I could have done without the attack on the Burrow, and I would have liked to see more action at the end (but more on that later).

The acting was much better. Ron–I mean Rupert–is fantastic. He’s good at being goofy. My only problem is not so much with Ron/Rupert as with the treatment he’s given in the film, a product of the writing and directing. He has mostly been nothing but the comic relief for most of the series. J.K. Rowling gave him much more depth and personality than that. In this movie, he was also separated from the others, physically and otherwise. The whole Lavender thing was the main cause, of course, and I suppose it was foreshadowing (I hope it was) of the brief split in the seventh book. But at the very end, I thought it was exceptionally weird that Harry and Hermione were standing there talking while Ron sat behind them, just listening. It was an odd physical placement.

But, back to acting. Emma Watson as Hermoine was less cringe-worthy than before. Of all the kids, I think she was the one whose acting I liked least. She just doesn’t seem at all like the Hermione from the books. Maybe she’s just too pretty (she’s a gorgeous girl). In any case, she did a very good job this time around; I think the only vaguely-cringe-worthy moment was when she said she had to go vomit. Somehow that line made me want to go vomit.

I’m definitely liking Daniel Radcliffe as Harry. He does a decent job. He definitely did a good job playing it for laughs when he was under the influence of Felix Felicis. He also did a decent job in the Astronomy Tower scene.

Tom Felton was really a revelation as Draco Malfoy. Previously, he’d done nothing much more than sneer a little, but he got to really develop the character a lot. I honestly felt bad for him, especially when Harry–ooops!–used Sectumsepra on him.

Of course, the adult actors are top notch, the cream of the British acting crop. Dumbledore was good, though I really really would have liked to see Michael Gambdon infuse the humor that is so evident in the books. I see Dumbledore smiling wryly and speaking in an ironic tone most of the time. I wished for a little more in the cave scene, as well, but overall I couldn’t have asked for much more. Alan Rickman is, of course, awesome. Thinking back, I’m disappointed that they didn’t give him the big freak-out after the death of Dumbledore. In the book he yells and screams at Harry. In the movie, it’s played down. Though to be honest, the movies have played down his nastiness, which is fair enough I suppose. Slughorn was perfectly played by Jim Broadbent. I think he hit the mark exactly.

So. The ending.

I really wanted so much more! The cave scene felt a little rushed (the Inferi were really really creepy and gross, though). I wanted it to be much eerier and scarier. I wanted it to be really really intense, with Harry desperately trying to help Dumbledore. I didn’t get a lot of the intensity and desperation I was hoping for. I didn’t mind that the Harry was hidden under the floor instead of his invisibility cloak (although several times in the movie, I thought, ”HE HAS AN INVISIBILITY CLOAK, USE IT GOD DAMN IT!”). And Snape popping up behind him and shushing him was okay, but still Harry would have screamed or done something.

The interaction between Malfoy/Dumbledore/Snape was well done, as was the fall from the Astronomy Tower. After that, I was disappointed. I wanted everything to bust loose into chaos. I love Helena Bonham Carter as the crazy-ass Bellatrix, but it wasn’t enough. I wanted all hell to break loose once Dumbledore was dead, just like it did in the book. It would have definitely seemed fitting.

And the confrontation between Harry and Snape was not intense enough. Harry screams at him to fight back, but he never attempts the Cruciatus Curse (that was actually set up in the fourth movie! they could have done that!). The half-dozen Death Eaters just kind of run away.

I did kind of like the wands in the air at the end, but again, I wanted more. I don’t cry at movies or books, but I definitely snivelled during Dumbledore’s funeral because J.K. Rowling brought back all the characters and impressed upon us how much Dumbledore meant to everyone.

The last scene was intersting to say the least. I already mentioned the physical separation of Ron from Harry and Hermione. We see the locket and learn that it’s fake–you know, R.A.B. But it reminded me that WE DIDN’T GET ANY CLUES AT ALL ABOUT ANY OF THE OTHER HORCRUXES! Only two memories were explored (sure, it’s hard to slip into a bunch of flashbacks, but they’re the core of this book), and neither of them set up Harry to be able to find the other Horcruxes. In fact, we don’t even learn what the locket is. I can only assume that this is yet another hole (plot-wise) that they will have to dig themselves out of in the last two films.

I probably sound negative, but overall I loved the movie and I think it was probably the best of the series so far. I thin it might have been worth the $12 ticket . . . maybe . . . I put a very very high value on money . . .

 

Graduating at the Wrong Time

I know I’m not the only one out there hurting. I’m in desperate need of work. I will take just about anything. I’m one of the approximately 10% without a job.

I graduated at one of the worst times in the past thirty years. That 90% who have a job are holding on to it tenaciously. There seem to be very few jobs open. I had the bad luck to graduate college at a time when the economy has sunk very low indeed. Right into the crapper.

I’m currently selling off some of my more valuable and expendable belongings. It’s really a shame, but I can’t for the life of me find a job. I had two interviews earlier this week. I only need a summer job, but since summer is half over, I was forced to lie through my teeth and tell them I needed a job while I awaited a real career job.

I’m one of the lucky ones, I suppose. I actually have a bank account with money in it. However, every cent of that (and a lot more besides) is bespoken. I’m going to graduate school. Like many other people I graduated with, I’ve decided to try to ride out this storm by spending another year in school. Sure, I will be in debt now (I had no undergraduate debt), but I will have a master’s degree and I will have another year for the economy to straighten itself out. By next fall, the prospects may be much, much better. It’s a terrifying prospect, to eat through all of my life’s savings and then some.

But I want to do it and I’m taking the chance. I’m going to be going back to England for a year-long MA program in Publishing at Kingston University, just outside London. I first saw their program about a year ago and daydreamed about it. I didn’t think it would actually happen. A year on and it’s come to fruition. I’m working on getting my visa at the moment. I need to change my flight and I need to gather together the funds (you have to prove that you have a certain amount of money in order to get a visa).

I leave September 15 or 16th. Back to the U.K. I can only hope that I love it as much this time as I did two years ago (God, two years ago!).

And after a year of hard work getting my master’s degree, then what? Only time will tell. My hope is to get a job there at least for a few years. I may even try to stick around long enough for the 2012 Olympics. Of course, the career I’m going into is not very lucrative, but I’ll have to get by the best I can. I will make sacrifices to be able to watch the Olympics in person. Of course I’m going to return to the U.S. sometime. I may even find that I have trouble making ends meet in London, in which case it’s back to the good old U.S. of A., getting a publishing job somewhere stateside. That is my ultimate plan; I want to work my way up and be an agent and locate myself anywhere I choose. Maybe I will locate myself right back here in Cecil County. I do love this place!

So, does this qualify as t.m.i.?

 

Critiquing the Critique

As some around these parts will know, I am an avid writer. I’ve been writing creatively ever since I learned how to spell. I always felt the compunction to express myself by creating stories. My main motive in writing is the enjoyment I get out of it, but my end goal is to become published. It’s an extremely difficult thing to do–the selection process is extremely rigorous and has as much to do with luck as with skill. Still, I believe my work is good enough to be published, especially considering some of the crap that gets published.

I’m part of a creative writing message board, particularly the “historical writing” corner of it. Generally, I like it there; I’ve learned a ton from reading the posts, asking questions, and posting my work for critique. Like with all things, you have to balance all the critiques.

But right now, I’m extremely irritated about a series of posts. I posted a few hundred words for some critique. The first few posters did a line-by-line and were very helpful. Then someone posted that they didn’t think the voice was authentic for my time and place. I rolled my eyes. What the hell does this person know about it? So I posted a polite reply.

I know the time period while she, by her own admission, didn’t. She asked what time it was, but came up with approximately the right time period anyway. I have researched that time period. I have read plenty of the words spoken (actually WRITTEN–there’s a big difference between what people write and what they would say) directly by these people, even some of the words spoken by this exact person. My main character was a real person and she left some of her own voice in the form of trial briefs. The problem is that these were written by a lawyer, so her voice is diluted. Further complicating things, everyone in my story would have spoken in French. I have to approximate what they said in English.

I did this in several ways. Nicole was a relatively uneducated young woman, impetuous and flippant. She believes herself to be rather dumb though she isn’t. She was also a prostitute. I’ve read the trial briefs and tried to decipher how much of it was Nicole and how much of it was her lawyer. The result is a relatively simple cadence and diction. Of course the people critting my work haven’t read all of it, but other characters speak in very different voices. 

It seems that because she doesn’t speak like a Victorian lady, her voice is not authentic and “too 21st-century”. What the hell? No one in the 21st century speaks like she does, not even me, and I’m weird! By the way, I’m the same age now that she was in the story (and in reality) in 1784.

I can be right all I want, but it doesn’t matter if people perceive it as wrong. Well, only this one person, as far as I can tell, has this opinion. A few other people posted “helpful suggestions” like “Read Dickens”, but they were just jumping on the bandwagon. I’ve read plenty of Victorian literature (though, oddly enough, no Dickens) and can approximate a fair facsimile of their speech. In fact, when writing this story from other perspectives, I used very strong voices with very strongly Victorian cadences. But this is not Nicole’s world and not her manner of speech. I made a decision on how her voice would sound, and it’s a simple, decidedly NOT Victorian voice, as it should not be.

I’ve found before that on this board, the historical people, while generally very kind and helpful, love to peck at you. They pick out one thing from whatever work you post and tell you how wrong and misguided it is, generally on the premise that it isn’t historical. This without–generally–knowing too much about the period but believeing that they do. With other iterations of my particular work, I’ve been taken to task for things they pooh-poohed as unhistorical–but those things were lifted right out of the first-hand account of the character in question!

I can’t believe every reader is like that. I attempt to be extremely accurate and I don’t appreciate people proving how damn smart they are by pointing out anything they believe might be WRONG OH MY GOD! Most readers don’t have the ability or the desire to call me out. Hopefully they’ll give me the benefit of the doubt because I do know what I’m writing about.

 

Make It or Break It Again

This guy is fantastically hilarious. At about 2:00 he does a summary of the first episode of Make It or Break It, and it’s one of the funniest things I have ever seen. This guy really knows about gymnastics–cowboyed knees, tucked Tsukahara, the extreme danger of moving the vault board. Anyway, it’s HILARIOUS. Warning, though, the entire video may NOT BE APPROPRIATE. In fact, er, it’s entirely inappropriate. The part about Make It or Break It isn’t too bad.

 

The Sordid Tale of Callie the Cat

My cat, Callie, had a regular checkup at the veterinarian on Saturday. I had to do the unenviable work of shoving her into the pet taxi–which she absolutely hates to no end. She fights and scratches and acts as though I’ve betrayed her in the worst way. I managed to get her into her box and into the vet by 9:00. She got her shots and I came home with flea medicine and some pills for her. On the way home, I let her out of the pet taxi and she climbed all over me. She liked to stay on my lap (as I drove) and put her feet on the door to look out the window. The movement of the car threw her easily, but she was draped over my arm so I held her steady. It was very cute. As soon as I let her out of the car at home, though, she ran off. She usually does that because she’s just that angry about being taken to the vet.

In the morning, I found her laying down outside on a rug that my brother had lain out on the basement doors. I gave her a little whistle to come inside and get her milk and breakfast, but she wouldn’t move. So I went to pick her up and bring her in, and she yowled horribly. I set her back down and realized she had a large wound on her haunches, right at the base of her tail (she probably got in a fight with some other critter). She didn’t want to move at all and she barely wanted me to look at the wound, no less try to move the hair out of the way or clean it. She had some milk, but then she disappeared again and didn’t come back until the evening. She was walking very gingerly and was sitting down like an old lady. She was also oozing puss from the wound on her back end. It was pretty ugly.

I let it be for the next day. She stayed outside, mostly, because I didn’t really want to carry her inside (and because she was still oozing quite a bit of puss). By the end of the day, however, she was acting very very weak and she hadn’t had anything to eat of drink in two days except for a little milk and a little cheese. I was (maybe unduly) worried about her, but there was nothing I could do to help her. She wouldn’t let me touch her. She wouldn’t eat anything.

So at about 9:00 p.m., I got very worried about her, so worried I felt that I needed to take her to the vet right away. I was worried about waiting until the morning. In retrospect, she probably would have been fine until the morning. But I called all the local vets and finally ended up having to go a 24-hour place about twenty minutes away. I wrapped up the cat in a towel and put her int he car. This wouldn’t have worked if she weren’t so weak. I carried her in in the towel, too. She was dripping pus and it got all over me. Very gross.

I had to wait and wait and wait. They  wouldn’t let me be with her, which I really regret. She must have been so scared, scared out of her wits. She has a very strong bond of trust with me and would have been far happier with me nearby. Finally, at around 10:30, I got her back. It turns out if cost $350! I just about had a heart attack. I cried a little when I got home because I don’t have that kind of money. But as it was, I couldn’t do anything. I’d made the choice to get her taken care of right away. They cleaned the wound, gave her antibiotics and a shot of fluids because she hadn’t eaten of drank much for two days. When she was finally handed back to me, she was utterly traumatized, poor thing. I felt awful for putting her through the ordeal. I felt awful about the money.

She stayed in all night (an unusual occurrence) and seemed much better in the morning. This was yesterday. She seemed to have much more energy and vigor and the wound seemed better. She’s been steadily improving ever since. I just had to give her the pills from the vet a few days ago PLUS the antibiotic pill. She is still a little pissed at me for shoving two and half pills down her throat. But, she’ll get over it. The wound is still healing, but she’s improving quickly and is more and more her normal, talkative, rambunctious self.

Okay, that’s not a “sordid” tale, but a tale nonetheless.

 

Epic Fail

Last night, the tv show “Make it or Break it” premiered on ABC Family. If you saw it last night . . . my condolences.

It isn’t as though I had very high hopes about this tv show. Gymnastics is always misrepresented in some way. Stick It actually was not too horrible. They did actual real elite gymnastics. But there is a point where “suspension of disbelief” just doesn’t cover it. As a writer, I know how hard it is to get these things right, but at a certain point the epic fail-ness becomes unforgivable.

Gymnastics problems:

1. “found in a playground”–What, is she Nadia or something? Seriously. And no one, NO ONE goes from training at the YMCA to going to nationals in a few days.

2.Tucked Tsukahara. Seriously? Seriously?! A tucked Tsuk? And you expect that vault to get you to nationals? You won’t even test elite if that’s all you can do. You’ll be stuck back in level 9 or 10, at best.

3. Moving the beatboard in front of the vault. Seriously?! Does the “mean girl” want to kill Emily? Because crashing into the vault has proven fatal in the past, and at the least she would be very badly injured. She would have broken her legs at the least. She would not have jumped up and done another vault. Trust me.

4. Cliches. Bolemia, bitchiness . . .

5. Money. Not only do gymnasts NOT make money doing gymnastics–maybe a little, but certainly not a fortune–but their families are usually in huge debt to pay for their daughters’ gymnastics. It is not cheap. Only two or three gymnasts have ever made real money off of gymnastics, and that was after success at the Olympics.

6. Leotard. Hey, Emily, 1976 called. It wants its leotard back.

7. Those girls do not look like gymnasts. Period. End of story. None of them could pass as gymnasts. Nastia is a skinny bitch as far as gymnasts go, and she could break Emily over her knees. Being thin won’t cut it in gymnastics, you need actual muscles.

8. Team nationals. Er, what?? Everything but worlds and the Olympics are purely individual events.

The story

1. Ooooh, soap opera! Deliciously bad.

2. OMG, DJ TANNER! I kind of flipped to see her on this show.

3. Mary Sue much? A cookie-cutter heroine with every problem in the book. Emily feels out of place, no father, has to work hard, etc.

4. I just don’t care . . .

So, I’ll keep watching, for the lulz. But it’s not a great show and its so far from being a good representation of gymnastics that its sickening. Like I said, though . . . . LULZ.

 

Comtesse de La Motte

Hi, all.

I moved this post to my brand new blog, “Queen’s Ransom: The Incredible True Story of the Affair of the Diamond Necklace.”

It’s HERE.

 

Stupid YouTube

So, this post was going to be post number 7 in my montage series, BUT YouTube has removed the audio from several of my videos without notifying me of the fact (jerks). I’m not entirely sure for how long my montages have been pointless (because without the music–that specific music–the montages are nothing at all). I have gotten notices that my videos had copyrighted material, but they just put ads up on my video. The ads gave the viewer a link to a place they could buy an mp3 of the song. That was fine by me. What is NOT fine is that they took off the audio and left me with crap, all without saying anything.

Look, YouTube. No one is making any money off of this. It’s just a fun, interesting way to see gymnastics. And to the people who made the copyright claims, you’re just mean-spirited. All of us montage-makers take a lot of time and effort to produce these fun videos for the pleasure of other fans and you just ruin it. It doesn’t seem at all fair.

Anyway, my rant here is done. Montages were an amazing thing and great fun. YouTube is just a spoil-sport.